Official Luthiers Forum!

There was a guy living up on the Chesapeake Bay, and his wife didn't come home from work one night. The next morning the worried man phoned the police to report her missing, and the officer said they'd send out a search party.

A few days later the police phoned the guy and said, "Mr. Jones, you need to get down to the police station right away!"

So he drove as fast as possible to the police station and said, "Do you have some news about my wife?"

And the cop said "Well, we have some bad news, some good news, and some really good news!"

So the guy said, "Let me hear the bad news first." And the cop answered, "Well, your wife must have lost control of her car when she was driving over the Chesapeake Bay bridge, and we found her drowned in her car on the bottom of the bay"

The guy screamed in anguish, "OH MY GOD!" And then, after gathering his composure, he asked, "Well then, what's the good news?"

And the cop said, "Well sir, when we pulled her body in last night we were able to harvest 10 dozen blue crabs off of her!"

And the guy screamed out, "OH SWEET JESUS!!!" But again he regained his composure and asked, "Well what's the really good news?"

And the cop smiled and said, "We're going to haul her in again tonight!!!"

Ouch!!!

Good one Mike!

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I'd like to be able to prove, just for once, that money wouldn't make me happy...

Ron

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OLD MAN formerly (and formally) known as:

Ron Wisdom

Somewhere in the middle of Arkansas......

   Hesh, you're a sick sick man... but I suspect you knew that already

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I'd like to be able to prove, just for once, that money wouldn't make me happy...

Here's one of the few a golf stories I can post on the forum. This is a good one to tell on the first tee as an ice-breaker:

Anthony arrives at the club to play in his weekly foursome only to find that his good doctor partner, Andy, was called out on an emergency call and was unable to join them. Nonetheless, they pick up a 4th and proceed to the first tee.

Anthony finishes the first hole with an eagle after his 150 yard approach shot disappears into the hole. He makes a hole in one on the Par 3 second. He birdies holes #3 & #4 and everyone is astounded as he walks onto the 5th Tee with an unheard of score of 6-under par after 4 holes.

Just then his cell phone rings and he notices that it's his best friend, Doctor Andy. "Doc," he answers, "You won't believe the round I'm having...6 under par after just 4 holes!" Andy quickly interrupts him to announce that the emergency for which we was called was to care for Anthony's wife who was suddenly stricken by a massive stroke. "She's unconsious and near death and you should be at her side right now", Andy exclaims.

Anthony is torn but rationalizes that if she is unconscious, there's nothing he could really do anyway. Andy comforts his friend by agreeing that he could complete the round and she would never know about his decision. He tells his friend to do everything he can to save her life and that he'd rush to the hospital after completing his round.

After completing the 18th with a birdie, a final score of 59 and a new club record, Anthony calls Andy to check on the condition of his wife. Andy tells him..."I have some very bad news. It seems that the stroke has left her in a permanent vegetative state that will require your care 100% of the time for the remainder of her life...no more golf, no more social life. You'll be required to feed her, clean her and be at her side for many years to come...I hope you can live with yourself for what you have just done."

Anthony, just now realizing how callous and uncaring his actions were, begins sobbing uncontrollably thinking about the life of care-giving that he will be subjected to and the loss of the game that he so passionatly enjoys.

After about 5 minutes of this, Andy interrupts him and states, "Hey, Dude...I was just kidding...she died 2 hours ago...so what was your final score?"

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JJ
Napa, CA
http://www.DonohueGuitars.com

Sheesh! This is like a 4 groan thread. Love it.

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"Building guitars looks hard, but it's actually much harder than it looks." Tom Buck

The "Saga of Pick and Pluck" is pretty good    but you guys are sick , sick , sick


Ron

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OLD MAN formerly (and formally) known as:

Ron Wisdom

Somewhere in the middle of Arkansas......

[QUOTE=JJ Donohue] This is a good one to tell on the first tee as an ice-breaker: [/QUOTE]

Not if you want to golf with me, particularly in light of your reluctance to give me strokes

Anthony...let's agree to let USGA handicap rules determine who gives how many strokes to whom.

Remember...more golf bets are won on the first tee rather than the 18th green.

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JJ
Napa, CA
http://www.DonohueGuitars.com

USGA rules -- sheesh why not CPGA or R&A Rules to pick neutral turf?    Or better yet Alain rules -- he with the best single malt wins!

Goood one JJ!

Like Ron said, you guys are sick!

JJ, good one my friend!   

Anthony, I like that idea... Single malt... hhhmmmmm ...

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I'd like to be able to prove, just for once, that money wouldn't make me happy...

And I thought i was sick,,, I can see I'm in very good company

[QUOTE=Hesh1956] JJ I am just roaring here and this is the first BIG laugh that I have had in months - Thanks!! [/QUOTE]

Me too... these are hilarious....

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Brock Poling
Columbus, Ohio
http://www.polingguitars.com

In the spring a man joins foursome at his club. One of the members of the foursome is a lovely lady. The foursome meets every week and over the course of the summer the man the woman get closer and closer and, by fall, they are In Love and decide to get married. After the wedding they retire to the honeymoon suite. The man discovers that his "lovely lady" is actually a man!

"You are disgusting!", he shouts. "I never want so you again."

"I don't understand!", she replies. "When we talked about sexuality, you seemed so open and understanding!"

"Oh, it's not that!", he counters. "It's that you spent the whole summer starting off on the Ladies Tee".

Last week on a local course I was playing with a group of men that I had never met before. On the 7th tee, you could see a major road and just then a funeral procession went by. One of the men stopped, took off his hat, and stood there in silence with his head bowed towards the rather long row of cars. After it passed the man put on is hat and continued. After he teed off, I told him that I was impressed with his reverence for life and the recently passed away and asked him about why he was that way. He told me, it was the least he could do, after all, he had been married to her for the last 30 years.

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"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered." G. K. Chesterton.

Now THAT's funny...

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"I want to know what kind of pickups Vince Gill uses in his Tele, because if I had those, as good of a player as I am, I'm sure I could make it sound like that.
Only badly."